Without My Sparkle

“Maybe you should tone it down a little,” he said, convinced he was being kind and probably even doing me a favor by sharing this pearl of wisdom.

He had no idea, of course, what would happen if I followed his advice. 

If I just toned it down a little.

Without my sparkle, everyone would see how fucked up I am on the inside. No one needs to see that dark place.

Deep within my soul lies a hidden darkness, concealed by the façade of my sparkly exterior. If it were to fade away, those around me would bear witness to the profound damage and brokenness that dwells within me. The thought of exposing this horrifying truth fills me with an overwhelming sense of dread. Nobody deserves to be burdened with the knowledge of my inner demons, as they are too twisted and nightmarish to comprehend.

Behind closed doors, I am confronted by a sinister realm where despair reigns supreme. It's a chilling place devoid of hope, and its shadowy grip tightens around me relentlessly. In this shattered wasteland within, cries echo endlessly through corridors of anguish. A crippling fear consumes me, terrified that if others glimpsed into this abyss, they would flee in terror or worse yet, become tainted by it.

I maintain an enchanting facade – an ethereal glow that distracts from the truly macabre nature of my existence. This veneer acts as both my armor and my prison—a delicate barrier created to protect others from the horrors lurking inside. My sharpened smile masks the scars etched deep within my psyche while my twinkling eyes become windows that confine the desolation.

To reveal the unsettling truth beneath could unleash chaos upon those who have come to rely on the flickering light I emit. It's a responsibility far too great for anyone to bear witness to, let alone comprehend or attempt to fix. My damaged soul is a haunting labyrinth, where even daring explorers would surely lose themselves forever.

Therefore, I cling tightly to this shimmering illusion—desperately shielding everyone from the abysmal void lurking beneath my skin. No one should suffer through such torment as I have endured throughout countless sleepless nights drenched in sorrows unspoken. So I continue onward, forever concealing the wreckage seen only by myself—a solitary prisoner cursed with secrets too harrowing to be exposed.

So, no. I won't tone it down.